What does your choice of national bird mean?

20 Aug

I seen on www.votenationalbird.com that David Lindo is doing a voting for a national bird.

Before you vote you might want to do a thinking about what your choice says about you:

1. Mute Swan
I am happy that, like the name of the mute swan, the UK is nothing but a mass of lies of deception.

2. Mallard
I am happy that, like with mallard culture, women in the UK are frequently oppressed as part of everyday life.

3. Tufted Duck
I am happy that, like the tufted duck, the UK has curly bits on top in the form of the Orkney Islands. Or something.

4. Eider
I like Frankie Howard.

5. Red Grouse
I like my game birds to be communists.

6. Pheasant
I am happy that, like the pheasant, my only value to the UK is as a resource for the rich.

7. Great Crested Grebe
I am one of those people who thinks that the “great” in Great Britain, like the one in “Great Crested Grebe”, means good when it actually means big.

8. Gannet
My name is Janet and this bird’s name sounds a bit like my name.

9. Cormorant
I am happy that, like the cormorant, the UK has difficulty staying dry.

10. Grey Heron
I hate my neighbour’s fish pond.

11. Golden Eagle
I am happy that, like the Golden Eagle, the only chance of a happy existence is in the Scottish Highlands far far far away from the filth of the capital.

12. Osprey
I am happy that, like the osprey, the UK is about 60cm long. Also, I am an imbecile.

13. Red Kite
I would like the UK to be represented by its ability to destroy things and then have to replace them with foreign imports.

14. Hen Harrier
I am happy that, like the once powerful and widespread hen harrier, the once powerful and widespread UK is now being wiped out.

15. Buzzard
I am happy that, like the buzzard, I am quite capable of living off nothing but road kill.

16. Kestrel
I cannot be bothered to scroll any further down the page on www.votenationalbird.com. Stuff it, I recognise that bird name. That will do.

17. Peregrine
I am happy that, like the peregrine with a pigeon, the UK is great at plucking and feasting on the still twitching corpse of hope.

18. Avocet
I like things that provide an answer to Edwin Starr’s question; “War, huh, what is it good for?”

19. Oystercatcher
I am happy that, like the name “oystercatcher” for a bird which mostly eats mussels, the name “United” Kingdom is incredibly misleading.

20. Lapwing
I am happy that the UK, like the lapwing, is considered bad luck by the Scottish.

21. Curlew
I like things which say their own name as I have a very limited attention span.

22. Snipe
I am happy that, like a snipe, the UK is moderately declining.

23. Herring Gull
I am happy that, like the herring gull, the majority of UK residents don’t care what they eat.

24. Puffin
I am happy that, like the puffin, I don’t have to spend much of my life in the UK.

25. Feral Pigeon
I am happy that, like the feral pigeon, the UK is very common.

26. Woodpigeon
I am easily pleased.

27. Turtle Dove
I like birds which can be abbreviated to “Tur.D.” because it looks like a rude word.

28. Ring-Necked Parakeet
I live in London. Look at me. Aren’t I special?

29. Cuckoo
I am a big fan of the UKs burgeoning paedocide culture.

30. Tawny Owl
I am happy that, like the tawny owl, everyone in the UK has wonky ears.

31. Barn Owl
I am really fond of terrifying screams in the middle of the night.

32. Swift
I like things I never have to see up close.

33. Kingfisher
I like pretty shiny things because, like the UK, I am a shallow expanse of thoughtlessness.

34. Great Spotted Woodpecker
I am happy that, like the great spotted woodpecker, the UK has a specially adapted skull.

35. Skylark
I am happy that, like the skylark in Spring, the UK is in a spiralling decent to God-knows-where.

36. Swallow
I am a massive racist and see the swallow as symbolic of my desire to send everyone different to me back to Africa where I imagine they come from.

37. Pied Wagtail
I like pies.

38. Waxwing
I am tiresomely “wacky”.

39. Wren
I am happy that, like the wren, the UK is small but has a powerful voice. And is largely ignored.

40. Robin
I like to be seen as a person with no imagination whatsoever.

41. Nightingale
I am happy that, like the nightingale, the UK is difficult to look at and irritatingly loud.

42. Black Redstart
I am happy to vote for things which I am pretty sure do not exist.

43. Song Thrush
I am happy that, like the song thrush, the UK is repetitive.

44. Blackbird
Life frightens me.

45. Blackcap
I dig that beanie look.

46. Chiffchaff
I misunderstood the question.

47. Blue Tit
I once chewed the leg off of a perfectly healthy horse for a bet.

48. Long-Tailed Tit
I am happy that, like the long-tailed tit, the UK looks like an egg on a stick painted to look like a badger.

49. Magpie
I am happy that, like the magpie, the UK embraces blacks and whites. And eats the children of neighbours.

50. Jay
I am happy that, like the jay, the UK is a transvestite version of a magpie.

51. Jackdaw
I am happy that, like the jackdaw, seeing the UK is an omen of bad luck or death.

52. Carrion Crow
I like Kenneth Williams.

53. Starling
I like staring and this sounds similar.

54. House Sparrow
I am proud of good old British disappointment.

55. Chaffinch
My favourite things about the UK are Chavs and imperial measurements.

56. Linnet
I am happy that, like the linnet, the UK stands for nothing and means nothing to anyone.

57. Goldfinch
I am a fan of those “WE WILL BUY YOUR GOLD” adverts on daytime TV and this is the only bird I can find to represent my passion.

58. Greenfinch
I am happy that, like the greenfinch, the UK has two years, at most, to live.

59. Bullfinch
I like birds which were specifically bred to attack tethered up bulls for the amusement of medieval types.

60. Yellowhammer
I am happy that, like the name yellowhammer, the UK is seen as a land of cowardice and DIY.

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