Tag Archives: farlington marshes

Groin Cheese

9 Jun

So Farlington Marshes.

This crow was all muddy because he was having a spa day. He'd been down Spar and bought some marzipan and the other crows all thought he was a ponce so they pushed him in the mud.

This crow was all muddy because he was having a spa day. He’d been down Spar and bought some marzipan and the other crows all thought he was a ponce for buying poncey marzipan so they pushed him in the mud.

Lapwing. So called because his wingspan is exactly the same length as a lap of Silverstone.

Lapwing. So called because his wingspan is exactly the same length as a lap of Silverstone.

Kestrel? Yestrel.

Kestrel? Yestrel.

Whitethroat here.

Whitethroat here.

Whitethroat there.

Whitethroat there.

Mute swan flying away from all the lady swans trying to snog him. Hence the expression "kissed as a mute". Or something.

Mute swan flying away from all the lady swans trying to snog him. Hence the expression “kissed as a mute”. Or something.

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Birds

13 Feb

So I haven’t done much seening of birds lately. This is for several reasons. The reasons are these reasons:

1. Because you all love me I have been making seening at birds too popular and so lots of people have been seening birds and it is becoming too much fun and it is being ruined. So I gave it a rest so you could all realise how rubbish your hobby is and stop so when I go to seen birds I don’t have to seen people.

2. People keep pronouncing the letter “H” “haitch” when it should be pronounced “aitch”. It particularly annoys me because it is stupid people trying not to sound stupid because they normally drop their “h”s, but instead ending up sounding stupid because they can’t pronounce the very letter they are so prone to dropping. Frankly, until these bastards are put to death I can’t bring myself to risk contact with them by doing a going outside.

3. Some birds are boring.

4. I found out scotch eggs are not scottish.

5. Other birds are also boring.

So yeasterday I went to Farlington Marshes. I meant to say “yesterday” not “yeasterday” but I did eat a lot of Marmite yesterday so it seems poetic. Seen these:

Bird

Bird

Birds

Birds

Small bird

Small bird

Skylarkish bird

Skylarkish bird

Sanderling? Grey plover? Bird.

Sanderling? Grey plover? Bird.

Other birds

Other birds

Other bird

Other bird

Manly bird

Manly bird

Feeble bird

Feeble bird

Different bird

Different bird

Jungle Sponge

13 Sep

I seen at Farlington Marshes. Seen.

Little Egret

Little Egret

Grey plover probably.

Grey plover probably.

LITTLE EGRET

LITTLE EGRET

LITTLE EEEEEGRET

LITTLE EEEEEGRET

Parts of a black-headed gull.

Parts of a black-headed gull.

One of those.

One of those.

Starlings.

Starlings.

Gengis Sodding Khan.

Gengis Sodding Khan.

Little egret. LITTLE EGRET. LIIIITTLE EEEGRET.

Little egret. LITTLE EGRET. LIIIITTLE EEEGRET.

Flock of bastards.

Flock of bastards.

Great crested grebe.

Great crested grebe.

Grey heron.

Grey heron.

Terry Sodding Waites.

Terry Sodding Waites.

Hari Sodding Krishna.

Hari Sodding Krishna.

Fly eating excrement; a metaphor for life.

Fly eating excrement; a metaphor for life.

Outoffocuscatcher.

Outoffocuscatcher.

LITTLE EGRET. LITTLE EGRET. LITTLE EGRET. LITTLE EGRET. LITTLE EGRET.

LITTLE EGRET. LITTLE EGRET. LITTLE EGRET. LITTLE EGRET. LITTLE EGRET.

Great tit. Greatit. Great at IT.

Great tit. Greatit. Great at IT.

Sussofow

9 Sep

I’ve invented the latest birdwatching jargon that all the cool birdwatchers are saying when they are not busy being an oxymoron. S.S.O.F.W. Pronounced “Sussofow“. It stands for Some Sort Of Wader. Here are some sussofows I seen at Farlington Marshes the other day. See if you can ID them as probably greenshanks or something like that.

S.S.O.F.W.

S.S.O.F.W.

S.S.O.F.W. again but a few seconds later.

S.S.O.F.W. again but a few seconds later.

I seen other things I already seen before too. Boredwatching. Frankly, you people are lucky I still bother.

Redshank and Hopkirk (Deceased).

Redshank and Hopkirk (Deceased).

The Only Way Is Egret.

The Only Way Is Egret.

The Greenshank Redemption.

The Greenshank Redemption.

The Curlew Factor.

The Curlew Factor.

Starlings In Their Eyes.

Starlings In Their Eyes.

Godwit About The House.

Godwit About The House.

This Is Your Egret.

This Is Your Egret.

Waiting For Godwit.

Waiting For Godwit.

Farlington Marshes

20 Aug

I ain’t been to Farlington Marshes for a while so I gone to Farlington Marshes and I seen things.

Black-tailed godwit going this way.

Black-tailed godwit going this way.

Whinchat probably I think.

Whinchat probably I think.

Redshank and oystercatcher.

Redshank and oystercatcher.

This little egret tried to convince me it was a great white egret by looking much bigger than a little egret. So I tricked him into thinking I believed him by taking LOADS of photos of him. And unbelievably this is the most in focus one.

This little egret tried to convince me it was a great white egret by looking much bigger than a little egret. So I tricked him into thinking I believed him by taking LOADS of photos of him. And unbelievably this is the most in focus one.

Greenshank. Shanking his green.

Greenshank. Shanking his green.

Black-tailed godwits going the other way.

Black-tailed godwits going the other way.

Farlington Marshes – Closed

14 Jul

I haven’t been proper bird seening for a while. And I miss it. So on my way home I gone to Farlington Marshes. And it was closed because the wildlife trust are bullying me. Honest. It’s just spite because more people have heard of me than them because I am better at birds.

Closed2 Closed

As a result all the things I saw were either rubbish or too far away and blurry.

Lapwing

Lapwing

Christ knows.

Christ knows.

Greenfinch. So-called because it is the only finch that drives a Prius. All the others drive hot-rods.

Greenfinch. So-called because it is the only finch that drives a Prius. All the others drive hot-rods.

Could be anything.

Could be anything.

Your guess is as good as mine.

Your guess is as good as mine.

Blacki-tailed godwits.

Black-tailed godwits.

Looked bird of preyish. Probably just a pre-menstrual pigeon, though.

Looked bird of preyish. Probably just a pre-menstrual pigeon, though.

Mind you, I did get lucky and see a viper/bird.

Viper/bird.

Viper/bird.

Windy Day

15 Feb

I gone to Farlington Marshes this morning. It was very windy.

Thing that is supposed to be out at sea not being out at sea.

Thing that is supposed to be out at sea not being out at sea.

Which meant all the birds was being rubbish.

Various birds being unimpressive.

Various birds being unimpressive.

All I seen was some tufted ducks. The wind don’t bother tufted ducks. Because they are well hard. That’s how they get their names. Tufted duck is a contraction of “tough Ted duck”. Because they are tough. And have a teddy-boy style quiff. Because they love Ted Bovis out of Hi-De-Hi. And they are a duck.

Tough Teds.

Tough Teds.

So instead of seening birds I did some seening for bird tracks and I found these prints in lots of the puddles.

Mystery footprints.

Mystery footprints.

Even though there was loads of tracks I didn’t seen any birds making the tracks. This means the birds making the tracks must be really tiny so you can’t seen them with a nude eye. Here is my deduced image of what they must look like.

Mystery footprints maker.

Mystery footprints maker.

Short-Eared Owl

8 Jan

So I gone up Farlington Marshes and I seen a short-eared owl. I was livid. “Oi owl,” I said “it is a day not a night, sort it out.” He flew off. He knew he was bang out of order. He won’t do that again.

Short-eared owl doing a being in the day.

Short-eared owl doing a being in the day.

Short-eared owl, knowing he's in the worng and not having the balls to say sorry.

Short-eared owl, knowing he’s in the wrong and not having the balls to say sorry.

I seen other stuff too.

Stonechat

Stonechat.

Stonechat but better gendered

Stonechat but better gendered.

Meadow pipit

Meadow pipit.

Whirly tit

Whirly tit.

Kestrel.

Kestrel.

Kestrel again.

Kestrel again.

Headless mud-man of the Arse-In-The-Air

Headless mud-man of the Arse-In-The-Air ghost.

Bearded tits.

Bearded tits.

Avocets and Brenty Geese

28 Dec

I done a birdseen at Farlingull Barstools. Seen theses:

Avocets and brenty geese Live together in perfect harmoneese, Side by side on my coastal reserve, Oh, Lord, why don’t we?   Because we are better at using guns. Stupid birds. I bet if birds had guns they’d be worse than us. Evil feathery bastards.

Avocets and brenty geese
Live together in perfect harmoneese,
Side by side on my coastal reserve,
Oh, Lord, why don’t we?
Because we are better at using guns.
Stupid birds.
I bet if birds had guns they’d be worse than us.
Evil feathery bastards.

Shovelers and tealy ducks Live together in all the marshy mucks, Side by side etc.

Shovelers and tealy ducks
Live together in all the marshy mucks,
Side by side etc.

redwing i think although to start with i thunked it were a merlin so what do i know

redwing i think although to start with i thunked it were a merlin so what do i know

Two little grebes Had two little... Oh no, we can't reference Rolf songs anymore, can we.  Especially not that one.

Two little grebes
Had two little…
Oh, no. We can’t reference Rolf songs anymore.
Especially not that one.

Robin facts

14 Dec

Today I gone up the Farlingtons and seen a robin.

A robins.

A robins.

It is a FACT that you only ever seen a robin at Christmastime. The rest of the year, they do not exist.

Here are some other robin FACTS to help you celebrate Jehovah The God doing dirties with a fourteen year old girl.

1. The story of Robin Hood is based on the real life story of an Afro-American robin struggling to escape the ghetto. The original title of the story was Robin In Da Hood.

2. Robins are the only member of the bird family to deny the holocaust. But they do it in such a chipper fashion, nobody minds.

3. The 1958 song “Rockin’ Robin” by Bobby Day is not about robins at all. It is in fact about a blood splattered sparrow, in a state of shock, rocking back and forth in the corner muttering “What have I done?” over and over.

4. Sandra Bullock played the robin in the original stage show of Texas Chainsaw Massacre: The Musical. The role was immediately axed because she seemed more like a nuthatch, ruining the narrative and upsetting the RSPB.

5. Robins actually fly backwards, but because their arses look like faces no one has ever noticed.

I also seen these:

Stonechat

Stonechat

Part of a bearded tit. Not even a good part.

Part of a bearded tit. Not even a good part.

Here's what I reckon the rest of the bearded tit would look like if you could see it.

Here’s what I reckon the rest of the bearded tit would look like if you could seen it.

Marsh harrier in Farsmudge Mode.

Marsh harrier in Farsmudge Mode.

Lapwings

Lapwings

Kestrel

Kestrel

Black tailed gobshites

Black tailed gobshites

Oliver Reed Bunting.

Oliver Reed Bunting. Drunk. Ruining “Wogan”.