Tag Archives: robin

Blashford Lakes

10 Aug

Yesterday. Blashford Lakes. Me. Sexy.

Buzzard oiling the wheels of commerce with its lust fuelled advertising

Buzzard oiling the wheels of commerce with its lust fuelled advertising

Blue tit bringing everything around to himself

Blue tit bringing everything around to himself

The smuggest stock dove I have ever encountered

The smuggest stock dove I have ever encountered

Robin in autumn smudge plummage

Robin in autumn smudge plummage

Kestrel milking the air butter

Kestrel milking the air butter

Greenfinch tailor weaving tiny trousers for a ghost

Greenfinch tailor weaving tiny trousers for a ghost

Coal tit; does not burn as well as its name suggest

Coal tit; does not burn as well as its name suggests

Giblet Envy

25 Jun

Here are some things I have seen which are birds in the last week I seen them.

Mostly near Pagham Harbour and Warblington. No links today. Search for them yourselves. You are not worth my effort.

And I heard a cuckoo near Pagham Harbour. But I couldn’t photo the noise. You filth horse.

Various out of focus birds.

Various out of focus birds.

Satan's very own zebra robin.

Satan’s very own zebra robin.

Ninjavocet?

Ninjavocet?

Jesus Christ! What the fudge is that?

Jesus Christ! What the fudge is that?

Is this the hudsonian whimbrel I've been hearing about? No; it's just a curlew.

Is this the hudsonian whimbrel I’ve been hearing about? No; it’s just a curlew.

What is this? I don't even care anymore.

What is this? I don’t even care anymore.

Goldfinch about to ram raid a Spar and nick all the fags and sell them down the pub. £1 a packet. To feed it's skag habit. I'm not judging or anything. But, goldfinch is an anagram of golf dinch. So we shouldn't be so surprised.

Goldfinch about to ram raid a Spar and nick all the fags and sell them down the pub. £1 a packet. To feed it’s skag habit. I’m not judging or anything. But, goldfinch is an anagram of golf dinch. So we shouldn’t be so surprised.

Nearly in focus blackbird.

Nearly in focus blackbird.

Bird Photography – Tips From A Master

8 Mar

Yesterday I went to Blashford Lakes and seen some birds so I could write you this guide to doing bird photos as good as me. You are welcome.

Bird Photography

Tips From A Master

By baldmonkey

Rule of Thirds
Even the most amateurist photographers know the rule of thirds. Put simply, you only ever need to get about a third of your subject in frame.

One third of a pochard

One third of a pochard

Lines
When composing your shot consider the use of the lines in view. Try to use them to draw the eye naturally towards the subject of the photo. If this is not possible at the time, remember you can always use photo software to subtly enhance the picture later. See how the first chaffinch is dull and the second vibrant.

Chaffinch without lines

Chaffinch without lines

Chaffinch with best lines

Chaffinch with brilliant lines

Path of Motion
In action photos it is important to consider the subject’s path of motion. You want to aim to have the bird as near the edge as possible, so that people don’t have to wait long when they are imagining the bird going away.

Blue tit flighting.

Blue tit flighting.

Focus
Like all glamour photography, bird photos are better in soft focus. Edges are like paper-cuts to the retina.

Ouchy focus. :(

Ouchy focus. 😦

Perfect and erotic focus.

Perfect and erotic focus. 😀

Background
There is nothing more boring than just all trees and that in the background of a wildlife photo. If that is all you captured you can always make the background more exciting in Photoshop or Pixlr.

What a boring photograph.

What a boring photograph.

This is much better.

This is much better.

Light
You don’t want too much glare off of the birds’ sweaty feathers so try to shoot in as low light as possible. Light is the natural enemy of the photographer.

Nuthatch. Levelly lighted.

Nuthatch. Levelly lighted.

Camera Settings
The many settings on your high-class camera may seem confusing. But they can be easily conquered if you know what they are for.
ISO – ISO stands for I. S. O. and is best used as an afterthought. Perhaps during a dinner party.
Exposure – Exposure is good because if you get lots of it you can be famous. Set it high.
Aperture – I don’t know. Is it like an overture or something. Probably not important.
Auto – This is the mode you should set your camera to. At all times. Always.

Blashformy

15 Nov

“STOP IT!” Colin screeched at his brother. But Simon couldn’t because the brake wires had been cut. Before either of them could prepare themselves they were thrown into a hedge, covered in their ill-gotten soup. Never again would they cheat in a donkey derby.

Also, today I went to Blashford Lakes and saw these things:

Obscured bullfinch

Obscured bullfinch

Homosexual greenfinches finally allowed to kiss in public without fear of persecution

Homosexual greenfinches finally allowed to kiss in public without fear of persecution

Great tit

Great tit

Great spotted woodpecker

Great spotted woodpecker

Goldcrest

Goldcrest

Gadwall

Gadwall

FUNGUS I WIN

FUNGUS I WIN

Dunnock it until you have tried it ahahahah that is very funny you may laugh

Dunnock it until you have tried it ahahahah that is very funny you may laugh

Coal tit

Coal tit

Blue tit

Blue tit

Treecreeper - the picture is perfectly in focus, it is bird which is at fault

Treecreeper – the picture is perfectly in focus, it is bird which is at fault

Tail of some description - possibly birdular

Tail of some description – possibly birdular

Robin - named after Robin Gibb due to it being all teeth and toenails

Robin – named after Robin Gibb due to it being all teeth and toenails

Quite possibly some sort of bird

Quite possibly some sort of bird

Great White Egret

31 Aug

Today I gone to Blashford Lakes and seen lots of things including a great white egret. It would have been good but my back hurts and there were lots of people there and some spoke to me and I was all like “Yes, I am baldmonkey off of baldmonkeyseenabird.” and “No, you cannot have my autograph I hate you for having an awful hobby like birdwatching when you are clearly capable of talking to other people. You disgust me.”

Great white egret being far away.

Great white egret being far away.

Great white egret flying further away.

Great white egret flying further away.

Tom Selleck

Tom Selleck

Robin

Robin

Little grebe

Little grebe

Little grebe with loud and needy littler grebe.

Little grebe with loud and needy littler grebe.

Green sandpiper sort of thing.

Green sandpiper sort of thing.

Great Crested Grebes

Great Crested Grebes

Juvenile great crested grebe. Little great crested grebe. Crested grebe. No crest yet though as it is little. Grebe.

Juvenile great crested grebe. Little great crested grebe. Crested grebe. No crest yet though as it is little. Grebe.

Great crested grebe.

Great crested grebe.

FUNGUS! I WIN!

FUNGUS! I WIN!

Dunnock.

Dunnock.

Common tern.

Common tern.

Chaffinch.

Chaffinch.

Blue tit.

Blue tit.

Blackbird.

Blackbird.

Albatross.

Albatross.

Urgh! Disgusting! Kill it! Kill it!

Urgh! Disgusting! Kill it! Kill it!

Also, last weekend I gone to Baffins Pond and Rotherlands Nature Reserve but I didn’t bother uploading the photos because they were crap so here they are for you. I love you. Die.

Baffins Pond:

Moorhens.

Moorhens.

Cormorant trying to blend in with canada geese.

Cormorant trying to blend in with canada geese.

Canada goose.

Canada goose.

Black-headed gulls.

Black-headed gulls.

 

Rotherlands:

Grey wagtail.

Grey wagtail.

Dragon

Dragon

Buzzards.

Buzzards.

Buzzard.

Buzzard.

Bees.

Bees.

Half a magpie.

Half a magpie.

Pagham Harbour

21 Jul

Ug caveman ung ugga ug. Ug go Pagham Harbour. Ug ugga ug rather nice time.

Juvenile shelducks. They still lisp when they say long words.

Juvenile shelducks. They still lisp when they say long words.

Juvenile robin. So sweaty he can slip through the tiny gaps between electrons, upsetting atoms into being less hydrogenny.

Juvenile robin. So sweaty he can slip through the tiny gaps between electrons, upsetting atoms into being less hydrogenny.

Reed warbler. Feel the violent simmering rage. He is angry at ALL the local bi-laws.

Reed warbler. Feel the violent simmering rage. He is angry at ALL the local by-laws.

Magpies have no skeleton, just a loose framework of disgarded straws.

Magpies have no skeleton, just a loose framework of disgarded straws.

Juvenile green woodpecker. Green woodpeckers are resposible for all the fly-tipping in the UK. They wait until the flies are asleep and then shove them over.

Juvenile green woodpecker. Green woodpeckers are resposible for all the fly-tipping in the UK. They wait until the flies are asleep and then shove them over.

Great tit. Cannot play guitar.

Great tit. Cannot play guitar.

Great spotted woodpecker. If you join up the spots on a great spotted woodpecker's back it makes a drawing of Jesus in a Nazi uniform.

Great spotted woodpecker. If you join up the spots on a great spotted woodpecker’s back it makes a drawing of Jesus in a Nazi uniform.

10% of black-headed gulls are bigger than themselves.

10% of black-headed gulls are bigger than themselves.

Avocets cannot fly.

Avocets cannot fly.

Avocets dissolve in water like an elegant feathery Alka-Seltzer.

Avocets dissolve in water like an elegant feathery Alka-Seltzer.

Two eerie faceless birds sharing a pair of legs.

Two eerie faceless birds sharing a pair of legs.

Second Anniversary

29 Apr

I’ve been doing this blog for two years now. When the hell do I get to present Spring Watch?

Also, dun Brook Meadow today. Seen stuff.

Fox keeping very still because he is playing hide and seek. Technically, a fox is not a bird. But that doesn't matter because it is dead. I mean "playing hide and seek".

Fox keeping very still because he is playing hide and seek. Technically, a fox is not a bird. But that doesn’t matter because it is dead. I mean “playing hide and seek”.

Chaffinch.

Chaffinch.

Wren.

Wren.

Wren agen.

Wren agen.

Song thrush.

Song thrush.

Robin looking frightfully unrealistic.

Robin looking frightfully unrealistic.

Ladybird. Half lady, half bird. Like a mermaid. But birdy.

Ladybird. Half lady, half bird. Like a mermaid. But birdy.

I thought this was a goldcrest but it turns out it was just a bad photograph..

I thought this was a goldcrest but it turns out it was just a bad photograph.

Woodlark

21 Apr

Today, in a fit of all like stuff and that, I gone all over the Farnham Heath.

I seen a few stuffs. They are in the photos as usual and they are here:

A stonechat sounding exactly like two stones being banged together apparently.

A stonechat sounding exactly like two stones being banged together apparently.

Robin. Except it can't be cos you only see them at Christmas. 100% Trufax.

Robin. Except it can’t be cos you only see them at Christmas. 100% Trufax.

I think this is a tree pipit.

I think this is a tree pipit.

Green tiger beetle

Green tiger beetle

Unnecessarily blurry woodlark. Birds are often blurry as a natural defence against good photographs.

Unnecessarily blurry woodlark. Birds are often blurry as a natural defence against good photographs.

But by far the most impressive thing I seen was a giant-hairless-bum-buzzard.

Giant-hairless-bum-buzzard.

Giant-hairless-bum-buzzard.

Giant-hairless-bum-buzzards are so-called because they tow their nest around behind them everywhere they go, like a sort of sky-snail. The nest, which is huge (ranging precisely between several meters from side to side), is assembled out of twigs and moss and looks exactly like a shiny hairless pair of buttocks. The puckered entry hole is located in the nestular-crevice and can sometimes be seen with baby buzzards sticking their head out, like tiny, taloned turdlets.

Common Redprobollbly

5 Apr

Gone to Blashford Lakes. Seen these:

Siskin

Siskin

Robin

Robin

Jackdaw

Jackdaw

Giant woodpecker trying to eat a normal sized basketball

Giant woodpecker trying to eat a normal sized basketball

Common redpoll

Common redpoll

Collared dove

Collared dove

Blue tit

Blue tit

Bank vole going around getting bailed out by tax-payer voles

Bank vole going around getting bailed out by tax-payer voles

A bird wearing a tiny balaclava

A bird wearing a tiny balaclava

North Pole

23 Dec

So I gone to The North Pole and I seen a robin. Turns out The North Pole is closer than I thought. Proper chilly though. Didn’t take my camerara. Got some proper quality photos on my phonecam though. Phontos.

Robin

I also seen somes pochards.

A "some" of pochards

A “some” of pochards

And a buzzard.

Buzzard