Tag Archives: stonechat

Puffins

28 Jun

So last Thursday (25th June – FACT) I went to Haverfordwest and then on Friday I went to Skomer Island and then on Saturday I went to Stackpole and then on today I went to Newport Wetlands and then home again and between leaving my house and going back to my house I seen 61 different species of birds and that may not sound like a lot to some birdseeners but you have to remember I am better than you so shut up.

Here are some of the species I seen. Mostly on Skomer to be honest:

Two black-backed gulls fighting over the carcass of a manx shearwater as a piece of performance art about the place of Greece in Europe

Two black-backed gulls fighting over the carcass of a manx shearwater as a piece of performance art about the place of Greece in Europe

Swallow nest above toilet because swallows are filthy

Swallow nest above toilet because swallows are filthy

Stonechat chatting up stones as usual

Stonechat chatting up stones as usual

Some brown thing

Some brown thing

Sea monster bird

Sea monster bird

Red bird

Red bird

Razorbill and guillemot being similar enough to not really need different names

Razorbill and guillemot being similar enough to not really need different names

Razorbill

Razorbill

Puffins

Puffins

Puffin

Puffin

Puffin a la hole

Puffin a la hole

Puffin

Puffin

Puffin

Puffin

Puffins

Puffins

Puffin

Puffin

Puffin

Puffin

Pied wagtail sans pie as usual

Pied wagtail sans pie as usual

Manx shearwaters

Manx shearwaters

Manx shearwaters

Manx shearwaters

Manx shearwaters

Manx shearwaters

Guillemot

Guillemot

Gannet

Gannet

Fake bird

Fake bird

Broken bird

Broken bird

Will do

Will do

Where's puffin?

Where’s puffin?

Advertisements

Birds

13 Feb

So I haven’t done much seening of birds lately. This is for several reasons. The reasons are these reasons:

1. Because you all love me I have been making seening at birds too popular and so lots of people have been seening birds and it is becoming too much fun and it is being ruined. So I gave it a rest so you could all realise how rubbish your hobby is and stop so when I go to seen birds I don’t have to seen people.

2. People keep pronouncing the letter “H” “haitch” when it should be pronounced “aitch”. It particularly annoys me because it is stupid people trying not to sound stupid because they normally drop their “h”s, but instead ending up sounding stupid because they can’t pronounce the very letter they are so prone to dropping. Frankly, until these bastards are put to death I can’t bring myself to risk contact with them by doing a going outside.

3. Some birds are boring.

4. I found out scotch eggs are not scottish.

5. Other birds are also boring.

So yeasterday I went to Farlington Marshes. I meant to say “yesterday” not “yeasterday” but I did eat a lot of Marmite yesterday so it seems poetic. Seen these:

Bird

Bird

Birds

Birds

Small bird

Small bird

Skylarkish bird

Skylarkish bird

Sanderling? Grey plover? Bird.

Sanderling? Grey plover? Bird.

Other birds

Other birds

Other bird

Other bird

Manly bird

Manly bird

Feeble bird

Feeble bird

Different bird

Different bird

Genesis

13 Dec

When human beings began to increase in number on the earth and daughters were born to them, the sons of God saw that the daughters of humans were beautiful, and they married any of them they chose. Then the Lord said, “My Spirit will not contend with humans forever, for they are mortal; their days will be a hundred and twenty years.” But then he saw they were showing repeats of Blind Date on Challenge and he did a little brown God-job in his celestial pants.

Pagham Harbour.

A oneness of redshank.

A oneness of redshank.

A plenty much of lapwing.

A plenty much of lapwing.

An obscuredness of stonechat.

An obscuredness of stonechat.

Grey plover? Maybe. He doesn't know. I don't know. We don't know.

Grey plover? Maybe. He doesn’t know. I don’t know. We don’t know.

Geese doing shapes in the sky. Just after this they done a big willy. Geese are immature at best. Silly geese. No soup for you.

Geese doing shapes in the sky. Just after this they done a big willy. Geese are immature at best. Silly geese. No soup for you.

Dunnock. Where the hell did he get that caterpillar in December? Dunnocks are evil sorcerers. No wonder the God tried to drown them all to bits.

Dunnock. Where the hell did he get that caterpillar in December? Dunnocks are evil sorcerers. No wonder the God tried to drown them all to bits.

Dirty godwit.

Dirty godwit.

Ashdown Forest

3 Aug

Today I gone all the way to Ashdown Forest for nothing. I think I heard a hawfinch at one point near Ashdown Forest Centre and I thought a common tern was something more exciting at Weir Wood Reserve. But neither of them were worth the petrol. I really hate birds. I bet they are all rubbish at Deer Hunter on their phones. Not like me. I am great at killing imaginary wildlife, me. They should bear that in mind next time.

Ashdown Forest is where Winnie The Pooh was originally filmed by Automobile Association Milne. I can see where he got the name from; there was dog crap everywhere.

Stonechat

Stonechat

Another stonechat.

Another stonechat.

Christ, stonechats are boring.

Christ, stonechats are boring.

A tiny bird. (Aves Tineus)

A tiny bird (Aves Tineus).

Another tiny bird (Aves Tineus Againus).

Another tiny bird (Aves Tineus Againus).

Blue tit being young and carefree and oblivious to the hideousness of it all.

Blue tit being young and carefree and oblivious to the hideousness of it all.

Cormorant. Which is an anagram of  "moron cart".

Cormorant. Which is an anagram of “moron cart”.

Common tern.

Common tern.

Common tern again.

Common tern again.

Dull, dull, frightfully common tern.

Dull, dull, frightfully common tern.

Digitally enhanced picture of a common tern which I enhanced using digitals to make it very award winning.

Digitally enhanced picture of a common tern which I enhanced using digitals to make it very award winning.

Woodlark

21 Apr

Today, in a fit of all like stuff and that, I gone all over the Farnham Heath.

I seen a few stuffs. They are in the photos as usual and they are here:

A stonechat sounding exactly like two stones being banged together apparently.

A stonechat sounding exactly like two stones being banged together apparently.

Robin. Except it can't be cos you only see them at Christmas. 100% Trufax.

Robin. Except it can’t be cos you only see them at Christmas. 100% Trufax.

I think this is a tree pipit.

I think this is a tree pipit.

Green tiger beetle

Green tiger beetle

Unnecessarily blurry woodlark. Birds are often blurry as a natural defence against good photographs.

Unnecessarily blurry woodlark. Birds are often blurry as a natural defence against good photographs.

But by far the most impressive thing I seen was a giant-hairless-bum-buzzard.

Giant-hairless-bum-buzzard.

Giant-hairless-bum-buzzard.

Giant-hairless-bum-buzzards are so-called because they tow their nest around behind them everywhere they go, like a sort of sky-snail. The nest, which is huge (ranging precisely between several meters from side to side), is assembled out of twigs and moss and looks exactly like a shiny hairless pair of buttocks. The puckered entry hole is located in the nestular-crevice and can sometimes be seen with baby buzzards sticking their head out, like tiny, taloned turdlets.

Short-Eared Owl

8 Jan

So I gone up Farlington Marshes and I seen a short-eared owl. I was livid. “Oi owl,” I said “it is a day not a night, sort it out.” He flew off. He knew he was bang out of order. He won’t do that again.

Short-eared owl doing a being in the day.

Short-eared owl doing a being in the day.

Short-eared owl, knowing he's in the worng and not having the balls to say sorry.

Short-eared owl, knowing he’s in the wrong and not having the balls to say sorry.

I seen other stuff too.

Stonechat

Stonechat.

Stonechat but better gendered

Stonechat but better gendered.

Meadow pipit

Meadow pipit.

Whirly tit

Whirly tit.

Kestrel.

Kestrel.

Kestrel again.

Kestrel again.

Headless mud-man of the Arse-In-The-Air

Headless mud-man of the Arse-In-The-Air ghost.

Bearded tits.

Bearded tits.

Robin facts

14 Dec

Today I gone up the Farlingtons and seen a robin.

A robins.

A robins.

It is a FACT that you only ever seen a robin at Christmastime. The rest of the year, they do not exist.

Here are some other robin FACTS to help you celebrate Jehovah The God doing dirties with a fourteen year old girl.

1. The story of Robin Hood is based on the real life story of an Afro-American robin struggling to escape the ghetto. The original title of the story was Robin In Da Hood.

2. Robins are the only member of the bird family to deny the holocaust. But they do it in such a chipper fashion, nobody minds.

3. The 1958 song “Rockin’ Robin” by Bobby Day is not about robins at all. It is in fact about a blood splattered sparrow, in a state of shock, rocking back and forth in the corner muttering “What have I done?” over and over.

4. Sandra Bullock played the robin in the original stage show of Texas Chainsaw Massacre: The Musical. The role was immediately axed because she seemed more like a nuthatch, ruining the narrative and upsetting the RSPB.

5. Robins actually fly backwards, but because their arses look like faces no one has ever noticed.

I also seen these:

Stonechat

Stonechat

Part of a bearded tit. Not even a good part.

Part of a bearded tit. Not even a good part.

Here's what I reckon the rest of the bearded tit would look like if you could see it.

Here’s what I reckon the rest of the bearded tit would look like if you could seen it.

Marsh harrier in Farsmudge Mode.

Marsh harrier in Farsmudge Mode.

Lapwings

Lapwings

Kestrel

Kestrel

Black tailed gobshites

Black tailed gobshites

Oliver Reed Bunting.

Oliver Reed Bunting. Drunk. Ruining “Wogan”.

Water Pipit

30 Nov

I done Farlington Marshes this morning and I seen a water pipit. I think it is a water pipit. It was near water and it looks pipitty.

I think this is a water pipit

I think this is a water pipit

I also saw a Magpie Tree (treeus magpius). Magpie trees are not really trees. They are elaborate eggs from which magpies hatch, like the ones in this picture.

Magpie Tree

Magpie Tree

I also seen other things but they was mostly out of focus on account of the cold weather and the earliness:

Canada geese

Canada geese

Brent Geese

Brent Geese

Black-Tailed Godwits

Black-Tailed Godwits

Birds

Birds

Teals

Teals

Stonechat

Stonechat

Starlings

Starlings

Shelducks

Shelducks

Reed Bunting

Reed Bunting

Pintail

Pintail

Oystercatchers

Oystercatchers

Meadow Pipit

Meadow Pipit

Little Egret

Little Egret

Lapwing (complete with wing laps)

Lapwing (complete with wing laps)

Kestrel

Kestrel

Great Crested Grebes

Great Crested Grebes

Curlews

Curlews

Curlew

Curlew

Cormorant

Cormorant

Pied Flycatcher?

26 May

I been out Beaulieu Heath way. I got lost and couldn’t find my car again. Then I found my car. Now I am tired.

Anyway, I seen a thing and I thought the thing was a pied flycatcher but I didn’t get a very good picture and I am not sure if it is a pied flycatcher do you think it is a pied flycatcher? (edit: thanks to Wanstead Birder and Early Worm Birder for their help. Consensus seems to be that it is a pied flycatcher, so I’m crossing it off the list.) (double edit: but then Fat paul scholes came along to piss on my bonfire and point out that it could easily be a male stonechat. So I’m uncrossing-it-off. Or crossing it on. Whatever the right wordenology is.)

Is this a pied flycather?

Is this a pied flycatcher?

Nearby was a bird that I think was a linnet but with the wrong beak. (edit: thanks to Wanstead Birder and Early Worm Birder for their help. It’s a female stonechat. Like all females, it insists on being “different” just to be awkward.)

Probaby a linnet.

Probaby a linnet. (Edit: No it isn’t. It is a female stonechat.)

Maybe.

Maybe. (Edit: Maybe not.)

Other than that I did not seen much. Just these:

Stonechat.

Stonechat.

Probably a meadow pipit.

Probably a meadow pipit.

Still probably a meadow pipit.

Still probably a meadow pipit.

Blackbird dad with blackbird child. Or possibly with a female blackbird. Same thing really.

Blackbird dad with blackbird child. Or possibly with a female blackbird. Same thing really.

My feet hurt from all the walking. Serves me right for trying one of the walks in the latest Bird Watching magazine. I’ve been getting it for a year now and they still haven’t been in touch requesting an interview.

Spoonbill

27 Mar

I just gone right up the Farlington Marshes. I seen a spoonbill. Some people think they are called spoonbills because their bills are spoony. This is not true. In fact, it is very difficult to eat soup with a spoonbill’s bill. Unless it is dead. The real reason they are called spoonbills is that they like to sleep snuggled up next to men called William.

Spoonbill.

Spoonbill.

Spoonbill dancing.

Spoonbill dancing.

Spoonbill some more.

Spoonbill some more.

Spoonbill sleeping.

Spoonbill sleeping.

Spoonbill some more.

Spoonbill some more.

I also seen this marsh harrier. Harriers are named after the jet fighters because they can fly too.

Marsh harrier.

Marsh harrier.

Marsh harrier. At least I think it is a marsh harrier.

Marsh harrier. At least I think it is a marsh harrier.

Pretty sure it's a marsh harrier though, innit.

Pretty sure it’s a marsh harrier though, innit.

And I seen some other things that was birds.

Wheatear.

Wheatear.

Skylark.

Skylark.

Shelducks.

Shelducks.

Probably a meadow pipit.

Probably a meadow pipit.

Probably still a meadow pipit.

Probably still a meadow pipit.

Out of focus stonechat.

Out of focus stonechat.

Out of focus stonechat in a different place.

Out of focus stonechat in a different place.

Greenfinch.

Greenfinch.

Fuzzy brownington.

Fuzzy brownington.

Dunlins and some other thing I dunno maybe a grey plover or something.

Dunlins and some other thing I dunno maybe a grey plover or something.